Oh, dear God.

Below are the bitter fruits of my decision to get out of bed at 2:30 a.m. after inexplicably awakening and staring a the ceiling for a half an hour.  Recklessly, and without a wingman, I read the New York Times editorial page.  I do this for cheap thrills, too often, and it’s far past time I admitted it publicly.

I read the first sentence (below) of Thomas Friedman’s latest polemic, “Kansas and Al Qaeda,” and literally snorted my gulp of coffee through my nose.   I will only share this gem of a first sentence and the last, both jaw-droppingly immune to gravity.  The in-between is too ridiculous to litter my blog, but if your stash of acid has run out, click here and read it for a natural high.

Breathe deep, ’cause God knows, Friedman does.

Kansas and Al Qaeda

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN ~ SALINA, Kan. — I’VE spent the last few months filming a Showtime documentary about how climate and environmental stresses helped trigger the Arab awakening.

Got that?  It’s not King Barack being “dismissive and derisive” and deposing Mubarek, who, while deeply, murderously flawed, acted as a firewall between the Muslim world and the destruction of Israel, which, of course, leads to the destruction of peace in the Middle East, which, will naturally lead to World War III, if we’re lucky to get that far…

It’s GLOBAL F*CKING WARMING.

Next, and mercifully, last:

Pluralism, diversity and tolerance were once native plants in the Middle East — the way the polyculture prairie was in the Middle West. Neither ecosystem will be healthy without restoring its diversity.

Has Friedman cracked a history book… like… EVER???????  Did he miss that our Navy, our very N-A-V-Y was birthed because of the (Muslim!) Barbary Pirates?  Jefferson, after having given in to their demand for a bribe for peace, realized – RAPIDLY – that it would never end.  He did this within a couple of years.  We learned this, as a Republic, from a FOUNDER of our Republic, but a couple of CENTURIES later, we’ve got the “paper of record” printing that the Muslim world – who behead people who disagree with them – was once “pluralistic, diverse, and tolerant”?

WHEN???????????

On “I Dream of Jeannie”???????

Oh, Dear God… It’s going to be a long day if it starts this early, this bad…