Obama Unleaded

UPDATE II BELOW @9:55am THU 3/21

UPDATE I BELOW @2:36pm WED 3/20


Obama’s first Presidential trip to Israel isn’t exactly off to an auspicious start.  His driver filled the diesel-run Presidential limo with gasoline and the advance team had shoes thrown at them and 90% of Israelis listening to his first utterances upon prancing down the stairs of AF1 will probably hear his remarks as I’ve translated/commented on them below:

I want to begin right now, by answering a question that is sometimes asked about our relationship — why? Why does the United States stand so strongly, so firmly with the State of Israel? And the answer is simple. We stand together because we share a common story — patriots determined “to be a free people in our land,” pioneers who forged a nation, heroes who sacrificed to preserve our freedom, and immigrants from every corner of the world who renew constantly our diverse societies.

–Uh… Okay. That’s not the most full-throated summary of our alliance but it’s a start…

We stand together because we are democracies. For as noisy and messy as it may be, we know that democracy is the greatest form of government ever devised by man.

–Wrong, Mr. President. The United States of America is NOT a democracy. We are a constitutional republic. Mob rule does NOT describe the the civic framework of either Israel or America.

We stand together because it makes us more prosperous. Our trade and investment create jobs for both our peoples. Our partnerships in science and medicine and health bring us closer to new cures, harness new energy and have helped transform us into high-tech hubs of our global economy.

–Right. Got it. Intimate that the Jews are greedy and it’s in their financial self-interest to partner with us. And they make their mothers proud by being doctors… Wow.

We stand together because we share a commitment to helping our fellow human beings around the world. When the earth shakes and the floods come, our doctors and rescuers reach out to help. When people are suffering, from Africa to Asia, we partner to fight disease and overcome hunger.

–And the only reason that’s okay is because we show up when disaster strikes. If not for that, we’d just be a bunch of filthy greedy money-changers. Got it.

And we stand together because peace must come to the Holy Land. For even as we are clear-eyed about the difficulty, we will never lose sight of the vision of an Israel at peace with its neighbors.

–If only Israel weren’t “occupying” Palestine, right Mr. President….?

So as I begin this visit, let me say as clearly as I can –the United States of America stands with the State of Israel because it is in our fundamental national security interest to stand with Israel. It makes us both stronger. It makes us both more prosperous. And it makes the world a better place. (Applause.)

–So as I begin this visit, let me say as clearly as I can –the United States of America – NOT ME PERSONALLY – stands with the State of Israel because:
1. We don’t get our asses blown off this way.
2. We’re greedy.
3. We can occupy anyplace we want because of 1 & 2.
4. We cover for this unconscionable imperialism by showing up when disaster strikes.



UPDATE I – @2:36pm WED 3/20:


Good God.  Will the indignities never end?  If this were Romney or Palin, MSNBC would be doubling over in laughter at the rube diplomacy being carried out… Now?  The frickin’ magnolia tree Obama brought over and just planted with Simon Peres is being dug up… Good grief.


UPDATE II – @9:55am THU 3/21:

Oh, well thank GOD for that! P.R. crisis averted! Obama’s magnolia tree won’t be dug up!  There will be peace in the Middle East as a result, I’m sure.